At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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