if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
