worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
