Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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