I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
