And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
