I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
