Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
