At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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