i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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