i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
