Where did you get a picture of my penis
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
