A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize