Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
