we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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