My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize