mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
