Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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