How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
