glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
