Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
