laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize