so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
