I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
