You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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