Umm I'm too high to move.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
