i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
