new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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