Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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