i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
