I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
