I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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