you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize