Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
