I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
