There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
