I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
