you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
