Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
