Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
