we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
