He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
