Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
