You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
