Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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