how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is Oprah even human
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
