I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
