the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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