are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
