Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
