idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to calm my uterus...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
