It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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