if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
