then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
