Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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