Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
