The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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