does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize