Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
