His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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