My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
