Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
