1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
