i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
