I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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