We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
