First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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