Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
