Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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